Rock
Scissors
Fuck
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
