also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
