I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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