I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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