her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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