I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
