there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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