I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
barbara walters just said penis...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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