listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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