Do you still have your period?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
