Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Congratulations! We have a period
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
