were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
