i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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