She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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