went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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