she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
