Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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