Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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