She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
