sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.