She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
