if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
