I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize