That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
