So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
