With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
