i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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