My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
