There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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