Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
