he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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