there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
