Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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