Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
