I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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