Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Randomize
