So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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