You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
