I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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