you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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