a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
