Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
