my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
