I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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