I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
