im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
