my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
