Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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