he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
