I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sobbing to NWA
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
