Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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