you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
