Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
