she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i came on her dog
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
