We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Couch. On fire.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
