Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
