That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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