He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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