would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
