Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
