Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
