And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
