Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
