yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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