Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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