bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
