It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
