Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
