I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
