It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
